


Samson

by RedPanda



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-07
Updated: 2012-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-11 16:30:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedPanda/pseuds/RedPanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 Glee Kids Who Thought About/Attempted Suicide, and 1 Who Never Did</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Newborn Star -Rachel Berry

**Author's Note:**

> Started writing this for a Glee prompt on LJ, but have no idea how to find that prompt again. If you know where it is, feel free to link me so I can start filling it out there too.

1\. Rachel Berry

\---

Rachel has always been a perfectionist. She's gonna be a big star someday, so she has to be. When her adoring fans scour the internet for little tidbits about her story, how she made it, there will be nothing short of a ruler-straight road to fairytale success for them to find and be inspired by. She's up with the sun every morning, going through her daily routines and only eating the most healthy things she can find, keeping herself in tip-top shape for whenever the talent scouts appear around some corner. It wouldn't do to be unprepared.

 

Oh, the horror, to finally be seen by a talent scout only to be rejected because she's grown too plump, or has a bad hair day, or too many pimples... it's one of her recurring nightmares.

 

But some days, the stress of it all gets to her. The constant pressure, of being better, being best, never backing down just pushing on and on and never stopping... some days, she just feels like she's suffocating. She needs a breather, needs to get out and away, and that's when she thinks about it.

 

Thinks about killing herself.

 

Now, Rachel is the first one to admit that she is the biggest drama queen to ever grace McKinley's tired grey walls (with the possible exception of Kurt, she always thought he could be a little too over dramatic sometimes. What a diva!) and she knows that she'll never actually do it, because hello -how is she gonna become a huge star if she's dead?

 

(And yeah, she's a little bit squeamish, but no need to let her future fans know that.)

 

But still, she sometimes likes to sit down and think about it. How she would do it, what she would write in her note, what people would say and how many people would cry. What her funeral would look like.

 

It's somehow a very cleansing experience, sitting curled up on her bed and planning her death, crying until she falls asleep, and then she'll wake up re-freshened and ready to continue on her road to stardom. It isn't something she'll ever tell anyone, she knows they'll only panic and make a huge fuss out of it, and if there's going to be a huge fuss made about Rachel Berry, it better be because of her amazing talent.

 

Because Rachel Berry isn't a shooting star to 'ooh' and 'aah' about for a second or two, she's a newborn star constantly growing in size and brilliance and one day her light will reach every corner of the universe.


	2. Personal Rainbow -Santana Lopez

2\. Santana Lopez

\---

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to her. Abuela loved her, she really did.

 

Right?

 

So why was it so easy for the older woman to just turn her back on her granddaughter, her own flesh and blood, and tell her to get out of her life for good?

 

Why was it so horrible that she loved another girl, so completely wrong that they couldn't even talk about it?

 

The burning taste of stomach acid in the back of her throat told her she was close to throwing up, but the only thing she allowed to slip out of her iron walls were a few stray tears before she straightened herself again. If she was so horrible, so disgusting, then maybe she didn't need to be here anymore.

 

Maybe it was about time she removed herself from this cold, hard world so that other people didn't have to be bothered by the filth she was covered in. So that they could go on without getting dark stains from people like Santana on their pristine, white clothes.

 

Or whatever the fuck other metaphors she could come up with -that was a metaphor, right? She might be from Lima Heights Adjacent, but she wasn't stupid. She just... never got the full support she might have needed to actually take interest in what she was learning in school.

 

Looking out over the fairly run-down neighborhood through the bitter cold curtain of rain she wondered when her world turned so gray, so colourless. She wondered if her blood could help colour it, even for just a minute of two.

 

Just so she didn't have to drown in this stifling nothingness anymore. Just so it wasn't so fucking gray.

 

Then suddenly someone seized her arm and her world was filled with warmth again, colours seeping into the lonely gray from the vibrant rainbow in front of her.

 

"Brittany..."

 

She had her own rainbow, and as long as she had that the gray void would never get her.

 

I love you so much.


	3. Cheering from the Sidelines -Artie Abrams

3\. Artie Abrams

\---

Artie barely remembers how it was to be able to walk anymore.

 

In his dreams, he'll be running and dancing and just standing, but when he wakes up with an achingly hopeful jolt to his heart he barely remembers it. Doesn't remember how it felt, the pressure of the ground against his bare soles, warm sand to dig his toes into, cool, ticklish blades of grass or hot asphalt to burn sooty footprints he could leave all over his mother's newly cleaned floor.

 

Doesn't even remember how it felt to stub his toe against something, and isn't that a stupid thing to miss.

 

He wants to remember the push-and-pull of muscles working, wants to feel blisters from too small, too new shoes, wants to scrub his knees and he wants the mind numbing pain of hitting the tail bone of his spine when he falls smack dab on his ass like Mike did that time when he tried teaching Finn some steps and Finn had accidentally bowled the skinny Asian over as if he was made of straw.

 

Every silly little thing people around him whine and complain about are things he desperately wish he could get to experience again, wish he could just remember.

 

He hates them sometimes, hates how they complain about things they should be so goddamn thankful for being able to live every single day, things they get that he doesn't. Things that he wants with such a burning need it makes him sick sometimes.

 

They don't know, none of them knows, how it is to be him, and he hates them so much for that every time they brush away his thoughts and concerns, or look at him with fake pity. They just don't know.

 

That's why he's so enraged when he learns that Tina was faking her stutter. That was why he was so bitter, so jealous, the thought that she could just stand up and say: whatever, I'm done with this, now I'm gonna be normal again' without any lasting scars, no regrets, no looking back.

 

And that's why he hates Mike at first. Wants to hate him so bad, wants to hate his graceful moves, floating through life as if gravity doesn't exist for him, dancing like Artie so desperately wants to. He once even entertain a dark, jealous fantasy of using magic to exchange his and Mike's lives, stealing Mike's dancing, his heart and soul. Stealing Tina.

 

But it's hard to hate Mike. It's like trying to hate a puppy, and he feels horribly guilty about his thoughts when the other boy keeps acting like he thinks Artie is the coolest and best friend ever, not even letting Tina get between them, always putting his whole heart into creating dance numbers for Artie as if he can't think of anything he'd rather do with his free time. Not just choreography that works for a wheelchair-bound kid amongst a group of people with fully functional legs, but actual dance choreography just for him. For Artie. Dancing that not only works with his chair but challenges him at the same time.

 

And so maybe he'll never be able to dance again, maybe he'll be doomed to sit in his chair and cheer Mike on from the sidelines, but... for some strange reason he's pretty okay with that. Because he has his friends, no matter how crazy and dysfunctional they all are, especially together.

 

And the bottle of pills lies forgotten, stuffed somewhere deep in a drawer where he was supposed to easily get them when he wanted them. It's just... he doesn't really.

 

Not anymore.


End file.
